Wednesday August 14, 2013 2:53 P.M.
I think
the reason I hate clichés so much is due to the fact that they have a way of
distorting or perception of reality. They make us think our relationships aren’t
romantic enough and that love is a feeling.
Before
I go any further let me just warn you that this is going to be my most cynical
entry thus far. So cover your eyes if you want to stay in denial. I may only be
19 years old, but in my years here on planet earth I’ve learned a lot through
personal experience, and vicariously through the experiences of friends and
family both older and younger than me. You can learn a lot if you’re willing to
listen to what people have to say – even if you think it doesn’t apply to you;
chances are one day it will.
I was
like everyone else at one time. I thought love was an indescribable feeling. Butterflies,
passion, happiness. I was sorely mistaken. Even if you’re not an avid church
goer or Bible thumper, at some point you’ve heard the well-known love chapter
of the Bible: 1st Corinthians 13. If not, now would be a good time
to go read it, even if just to refresh your memory.
Of all
the things 1st Corinthians 13
says love is – not one of them is a feeling.
Not a single one. None of the traits listed happens on accident. In order to
attain the characteristics, we must choose
to actively pursue behaviors and attitudes that encourage patience, humility,
selflessness, etc. This is because love is a decision. A choice. We don’t fall in love, it doesn’t “just happen”.
For many
of you this may be disheartening to hear, because you’re beginning to doubt
everything you thought you knew to be true. You’re not so sure you love the
person you so easily express the sentiment to. From the time we’re children we’re
programmed with a false idea of what love is. Fairy tales tell us that love
finds us, and when we’re older the same idea is reinforced by romantic comedies.
No wonder we’re so passive about the whole concept of love. We’re passive
because phrases like “fell in love” and “swept off my feet” are constantly being
drilled into our skulls.
Love is
a choice. Plain and simple. We’ve over complicated it. “I can’t explain it, but
I know it’s there.” I’m not being so cynical as to say love is not real. I am
the world’s biggest hopeless romantic. But the truth of it is, I’m so sick of people
saying things like “you just know” and “we didn’t expect to fall in love”. How
can you claim to love someone if you can’t even explain what it is? When did
love become so distorted? Chemistry and love are not synonymous.
Some
may argue that a mother loves their child before having even met them therefore
my theory is invalid. I say bullshit. I don’t disagree that a mother can
instantly fall in love with her child, but this is because she is deciding to.
Nothing happens on accident. Love is no exception.This is not as romantic as you’d like I’d imagine. But think
of it this way – if love is a feeling then just as effortlessly as someone fell
in love with you they could fall in love with someone else. Feelings are
fickle. So in a way the fact that love is a choice should be reassuring.
I think
back to when I asked him what love was. I didn’t even know what it was, but I
was hoping he could tell me. We were passionately infatuated with each other.
But I made the choice to love him the second go around. Things were grand for a
while before they went sour, but still I loved him. I decided he was my person
and that was that. But it’s like the saying goes: man makes plans, God laughs.
It is
not my wish to rain on your parade. I was lucky enough to have been taught some
hard lessons at a young age. I’m thankful for the people that taught me. By no
means am I claiming to have acquired any wisdom. All I can say is that I aspire
to attain even a fraction of the wisdom had by the people that were so willing
to share their experiences with me.
It’s by
no means my intention to crush anyone’s spirit. That’s not something I get
pleasure from. I just thought I could share what has been shared with me. Many
people may not take to heart some of the things I say due to my age. I’m too
young to know what I’m talking about. I haven’t had enough experiences of my
own. But I urge those older than me not to discount my opinion because of their
pride. Not many of us are truly wise, but sometimes even a foolish person’s
words can be meaningful to the next.
However
you choose to read what I’ve written – as advice or merely an explanation of my
personal opinion – the next time the word “love” leaves your mouth, it will be
more weighty on your tongue, and the taste it leaves behind will linger.
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